One year ago I told myself I was going to have the best year of my life. I prayed for good things to happen to me and to my family and for everything to be okay. Looking back, I wouldn’t go and tell myself how hard that year would be. I wouldn’t say how much it would test my faith. And I for sure wouldn’t let myself know that I would come out stronger in the end.
Family is the group of people you expect to always have, no matter what. You don’t expect to be gathered with your siblings and told that your Dad isn’t coming back home. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect to hear this, a story that would send me to my best friend’s house in tears. I didn’t exepct to feel such anger at my father.
I wanted to shout out. “Why this? Why now?! Why me?”
It wasn’t my fault. I know that now. But looking back I had something complete. Now, I don’t even consider this a family.
My three brothers were all off on grand adventures, and my heartbroken mother and I were left to survive the incompleteness ourselves.
It wasn’t a family; it was a wreak. But I grew from it. I’m stronger and I know that people make mistakes. It’s only natural. I learned that I could move on.
A few months later, my sweet, beautiful Grandmother died after her battle with cancer. My poor Mother lost both her husband and Mom, so it wasn’t the best time for us. My Grandmother, the strongest lady I knew, just couldn’t win this battle despite her strength.
Thus my own battles raged. I often found myself blaming God for doing these things to my broken family. It was like I was standing beneath a tower, watching it build up higher and higher in an unsteady pile until everything finally came down on top of me.
Through my personal sufferings, I realized that I had made the very best friends of my life. These were people I could relate to and talk to about anything. I had finally found those best friends who stayed by side. I’m so grateful.
My life changed in a moment on the couch of my home. It wasn’t was I expected. The unexpected is still occurring. A new year brings the unexpected with the expected. But I’m happy. My family isn’t small and broken. It’s just changing and learning how to be complete again. I have three older brothers who love me, a Mother who would do anything for me, and all of my friends who care about me.
In the end everything will be okay, and if it isn’t, then life isn’t over. I’m even beginning to feel complete.
I’m grateful for the unexpected and what it brings. I’m even learning to expect the unexpected. And I’m grateful for a new year.