Everyone grows. We all grow older, unfortunately. We all grow in character, thankfully. We all grow in knowledge, hopefully. But, we all grow through experience.
There is no reality where people don’t grow by experiencing life in all its generous yet complicated ways. For me, I grew up in a gym, specifically on a court. The court lines always stayed the same, no matter the circumstance. But the location, the wood, the environment, the teammates, and the coaches on that court changed constantly.
I was always morphing into a new team, a new culture, a higher division, sometimes lower. I digested volleyball like it was my daily bread. Like my life depended on my performance or the ranking at which I sat.
From a hobby to a job, the sport changed my sense of self, giving me the need to be praised, better, and then best. At school, in the car, at night, I craved the athletic validation that would come from coaches, good and bad. For years, I was told I was a solid player. A player worth having.
As I developed into who I am, the words of affirmation from dozens of coaches fueled me. So as I sat on the gym floor, with my oversized t-shirt soaked in tears and sweat, I doubted myself as not just a player but as a person for the first time.
The coach I had at 15 years old was diminishing, disgusting, and unqualified, a man who took all the value out of the game. It was a war with him. Word after word, drill after drill, he degraded my teammates and me, turning us into puddles of nothing.
That year truly changed me. That moment in time changed who I was. I was beaten and broken and lost, unsure of my next steps and if I even wanted to try taking them. One team, one year, one coach sent me into a deep spiral of questioning who I was going to be if I failed at being an athlete.
Sophomore year was the change I needed to embrace. I transitioned into high school volleyball and secured my position as a Wildcat. This year was make or break for me. It was going to tell me if I needed to let go or keep working.
Off-season, then pre-season, then real conference and state season began and I wasn’t even focused on me. I was focused on the team. I wanted us to have success together.
I felt connected and loved by the people, not by the ball. I had purpose, even on the bench. I was shown grace and was given chances.
I became more knowledgeable watching from the sidelines, more disciplined fighting for a position, and I grew from the ground up. I grew because of my coach who turned into more of a friend. She built my confidence, my skill, and my mindset. She saw my potential. She trusted me. She loved me. She pushed me. She changed me.
She taught me that there is so much more to life, to me, than just this sport. She put real meaning into the game again. Her words and her intentionality gave me a perspective that no one ever even tried to give me. She fixed what so many other coaches had broken. I grew back together.